On the 27th of September 2016, The Ciara Chronicles turned one. One! That means that I stuck at something for one whole year without giving up on it. If my younger self saw what I’ve just written there, she would be appalled because she was such a driven person who was determined to succeed at anything she’d try. But my present self, a person who’s battled with her mental health for a number of years, is so proud to have finally kept something up for longer than a couple of weeks. A blogging milestone has been reached!
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This is what my life has become. Applying for this, applying for that and applying for whatever will take me. Why? Because I cannot do what I’m currently doing for much longer. The excruciating feeling of waking up every morning knowing that you’ve got to walk in there for another day, put your headset on, adjust your microphone and say for the first of many times during that nine-hour shift, “You’re through to Ciara in Waterford. How can I help you today?” in your most pleasant tone.
On Tuesday, August 16th 2016, I returned to work after being on holidays for nine days. I didn’t go abroad but as you know, it was my birthday and my birthday is a time I refuse to work. Because my birthday would’ve always been during the summer holidays, I never had to attend school or college on it so I thought to myself, why should I work? I also hadn’t a consecutive amount of days off work in quite a while, so this time off was really needed. But during this time off, I ended up living. Yes, living and this living made me realise that a huge change is needed in this 24-year-old’s life.
Starting The Ciara Chronicles was a huge step for little old me. It was my way of addressing and coming to terms with suffering with a mental illness, along with wanting to change my life. After almost one year later, I can honestly say that I’ve made such huge, positive changes in my life and starting this blog is something I’m so proud of.
Through documenting my life events, feelings, goals and changes, it’s quite enjoyable to look over my past posts just to see how far I’ve come on my journey to self-improvement and that’s what today’s post is going to be about. A reflection on how my attitude towards dancing has changed since my blog post, Expectations VS Reality: Dance, which was written on the 1st of October 2015.
Firstly, I would like to apologise for this post being a day late but it’s a Bank Holiday Monday so technically, it’s a Sunday… Right? I was working this weekend but fortunately, my scheduled day off was on a bank holiday – how fab! Secondly, I would like to apologise for how much of a failure I ended up being last week regarding my eating, exercising and mentality towards becoming a fitter and better version of myself. I’m going to hate even looking at this post, never mind writing it because I will actually have to put into words how badly it went. Although you’re probably going to think I’m full of excuses, I have a completely valid reasons on why it went so badly, so let’s read on and find out what happened!
Dear Ciara (aged 16)
I know that it has been a while since we last spoke, but I just wanted to check in with you. This is a letter from 23 year old you. I just wanted to write to you to tell you how you’ve been, what you’ve done and how life has treated you over the last seven years. You may be shocked at some of it, but all that matters is that we got this far and we are still going strong, no matter how many bad days we may have.
I have always believed that when you were born, you were born for a reason (not just the fact that your parents made a baby). You were meant to be, but you were meant to be something. A lot of people know exactly what they want to do with their lives from a young age, but so many of us are left searching for a long time to find out what their something is.